by Martin L Hoover III and Julio C Gonzalez Jr
The room was dank. Slimy actually. Very dark. The bowl shaped furniture was crafted from like plants. From a hole in one of the walls a creature slowly squirmed out and was followed by another. Their carapaces shined dimly as they made their way to the chairs. A few "splurching" sounds emanated from their bodies as they sunk into the chair’s comfort.
"Ah nothing like returning to ones den after a hard day of breeding, eh Bill?"
"Yup, nothing like it John." Bill replied
"Oooohh ...""MINE!" John exclaimed as he spotted the delicacy within Bill’s attention. A small creature in complexion and ignorant of its impending demise.
"SluurrpPPaaa!" Their tongues lashed out only to become entangled. The small creature slithered moving faster then it thought it could ever move.
"Mamn Met, Dill!"
"Dis is Dour sault!" Bill tugged a little.
"Now wa?"
"Whe ahr gowin thu the kithen"
"Wa the thell ahr whe gonna thoo in the kithen?" John was stumped, "whe’re all owth othsthikem sthlik-em."
"Ah thon’t givth a thit athout the un-stik-em, Ah wanah nithe."
"Uh Wauh?" again John was sthumped, er uh, stumped."Uh nithe"
"whah’s nithe?"
"Thum on," Bill tugs, and leads the way into the kitchen. He makes it to the far counter and opens a drawer. Bill pulls out a nithe, er uh, knife.
"Wauh the thell ahr yuh goin thu doo thith thath!!??" John ecthlaimed.
"Ahm goin thu cuth oth yuhr thukin thung." Bill replies as he raises the knife in the air.
"Thu thuk u ahr!" John yells as he throws himself at Bills’ mid-section. A lively battle, at the outcome of which we find Bills head shoved into the microwave (his body still), the knife shoved in the slot to override the safety cut off, and John holding a tentacle over the keypad.
"Ahll white you sowwey thit sthucker, whel use the manm thoup."
A special not for all you long, sticky tongue fellows; If you find your tongue accidentally intertwined with that of your roommate's , and you don’t have a single drop of Unstik-em Slickem inhouse, don’t despair! While it is certainly ignominious, the Swirley Method is extremely effective. All that is needed is a box of granulated detergent (dishwasher or clothes(if you wear them)) and one toilet. Simply sprinkle some detergent into the toilet, insert your tongues, and flush. Repeat as many times as necessary.
GOD, I ALMOST FORGOT! ALWAYS FLUSH THE TOILET FIRST! NEVER STICK YOUR TONGUE INTO THE TOILET WITHOUT A PRIOR FLUSHING!!
"Otay, leady?"
"Leady!"
Spluuurrrrrrrr Fluurrrsshhhhhhhh. Spluuurrrrrrrr Fluurrrsshhhhhhhh. Spluuurrrrrrrr Fluurrrsshhhhhhhh. Spluuurrrrrrrr Fluurrrsshhhhhhhh. Finally they managed to untangle their tongues, and return (peaceably?)to the main chamber. For being such good friends they eyed each other evilly for a while.
"So ..." Bill began.
"So what?" John returned.
"I bred with Susan, Nancy, Julie, Samantha, Connie, Gloria, Kim, Tamy, Julia, Miriam, Sophie, Olga, Marlene, Charlette, Bamby and Tina today. It was a difficult task staying alive but a Sump of my endurance and vigor prevailed. It’s like I always say ‘Sticking around sure makes
them happy but it don’t keep you alive come feeding time’."
"You come up with some of the most off the wall sayings."
Again they sat there not really knowing what to do next. What to say. They merely sat motionless. Staring blankly past each other suspended in time. For this is a world where appearances are deceiving and time makes no effort to continue every possibility. Yes, you are now on the outskirts of limbo. This is a place where even the narrator has absolutely no clue how to continue the story.
"Thu thuk u ahr!"
***
© Copyright 2000 by Martin L Hoover III and Julio C Gonzalez Jr, all rights reserved.